Before I start this article, I should provide some full disclosure here. As far as cities go Las Vegas wasn’t exactly high on my list of Places I Want To Visit. As detailed in the last article one major part of my vacation to the area was to participate in the Evolution Championship. The other major part was to spend some time with the Spankwagon crew. Both of those parts were pretty damned awesome.
The rest of the Vegas experience? Not so much.
While I understood that one of things that city wants you to do is to spend as much money as possible and then some, I at first didn’t realize to what depths this idea ran. During my stay at Caesar’s Palace I figured out one thing very quickly; they wanted you to pay for everything. They referred to it as ‘Living The Suite Life’. It should have been called ‘Take Out A Second Mortgage Just To Feel Godlike For A Few Days’.
And it was quickly apparent that Caesar’s wasn’t the only one in on this particular game as well. Every place I went to had a full on shopping mall filled with stores of Shit Very Few Could Afford. Now I don’t know about everyone else but when I go on a vacation it’s to help me forget about all of the bullshit I go through on a daily basis. But probably for some people these centers say to them “Haha! This is shit you could never afford! Fuck you!”
Nice way to fuel the dreams of the average person and then crush them under the bootheel of reality.
Not that this would happen all of the time. Some people get away just to forget who they are for a few days. Sin City is a great avenue for that. My only concern with that is that a lot of people will grab onto that thought and take it to an unhealthy extreme. While a lot of what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, there is one thing that will not: regret. Well, that and herpes.
The wanton throwing of caution to the wind was mind blowing. I’ve never seen so many displays of unsolicited drunken panty shots in my life. And I live in a college town!
Speaking of drinking, while I appreciate the concept of an open container law, things were a bit out of hand in Vegas. Does anyone really need 128 ounces of alcoslushie? Do people really need to advertise the fact that yes, they are in fact downing booze? And the whole idea of these drinks that are as big as the person really needs to stop. I saw people who had four foot tall drinks that needed to be attached to their necks. If any libation requires more than a shaker and a strainer, then you have seriously overcomplicated things.
While we’re on the subject of drinking and sex, I really liked how some clubs on the strip tried to be coy about what went on there. And by ‘liked’ I mean ‘Oh come on, call it what it is.’ Places like Tryst and Cathouse.
I swear if I was to ever to open a club in Vegas I’m going to call it Drink an’ Fuck. Booze sold right next to every sex toy you can imagine. There would be multiple Champagne Rooms, and yes, sex would be allowed in all of them.
If it wasn’t apparent by now I wasn’t really into the idea of Vegas that most people buy into, it should be.
With that thought in mind, I asked Trencher and Murphy about the Real Vegas.
The impression I got was that there wasn’t one.
While I was hanging out with Trench at one of the few good bars in town, the Freakin’ Frog (which while I was there they had Shiner Hefeweizen on tap, so mad props to them), I had asked him about the music, art and food scenes around town.
I was told that there wasn’t any.
Maybe I’m different, but I don’t see how people could live in a place like that.
One thing Trench had mentioned was that there was a study that stated that 40% of the population of Las Vegas would leave if they could.
Why that wasn’t being picked up as a warning cry by the local government and populace is beyond me.
Now I would like to think there are small pockets of cool things to do in Vegas, but if they do exist, they’re not being advertised. One great example was the Pinball Hall of Fame. While something like that especially appeals to the old school arcade rat in me, if there were more places like that in Vegas, maybe they wouldn’t want to leave. Something that would make them say, “Yep, this is my second home.” Kind of like how Arcade UFO and Videotopia was for a few of us.
<Insert Moment of Silence for Videotopia here>
Like images seen in the heat waves on the desert, the image of Vegas strikes me as very illusory. And illusions are temporary.
Would I come to Vegas for another Evo tournament? Most likely.
Would I come to Vegas to spend time with the SpankFamily? Hell yes.
Would I come to Vegas just because it’s Vegas? Not very likely.
How should Las Vegas be fucked in the ass: with something plastic.
The thing to remember about Vegas also is that it wants to be the most ‘Wild West’ part of the US, however its a very controlled environment. Yes, Vegas will eat your lunch and punch you in the throat if you let it. I am still committed to Vegas, we are still at the ground floor of a very young city. There is still a chance that it could could move past the image it has fostered for itself and become a real city with real culture. The residents who chose to stay, and chose to contribute to it are going to be the custodians of that change. That I firmly believe. I know I have mentioned this before, but I think this recession is going to be a boon for Vegas. When we finally dig out of this hell, if we do it right, we will finally hit that point where we can start to become a real city and not some burbclave of tract housing hell.
But, to be fair, this city has let me down before.
I think I blame the cinderblock walls.
Oh, and here is info on the 40% quote.
http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2010/mar/25/wanting-out-las-vegas/
http://media.lasvegassun.com/media/pdfs/blogs/documents/2010/03/25/lvmet0325.pdf