fuck it in the ass Archive

I must admit that I may not be well equipped to comment on the subject I’m going to bring up today.  I don’t watch much TV, I don’t listen to mainstream radio, most of my news comes from NPR and PBS, and the bulk of my friends on Facebook are people I actually know in real life.  But like a good contributing Spankster I’m going to soldier on.

A few weeks ago I was browsing Google News when a headline in the Entertainment section caught my eye.  It was an article regarding the MTV Video Awards, and there was a thumbnail picture of Katy Perry.  Upon seeing this the following three thoughts went through my head:

1: She’s the one who did that lipstick lesbian song, right?
2: Man I’d love to motorboat that rack of her’s.
3: MTV is still on the air?

While I have no rose-tinted nostalgia for MTV, they did help push the music video as an artform for better or worse (much to the chagrin of Freddie Mercury).  But they did help to give birth to one of the greatest evils on the planet: the reality show.

There were some things I liked watching on MTV, like 120 minutes.  And the first couple of seasons of The Real World were a little interesting.  But I completely gave up on the channel around the same time the third season of The Real World came on, and I expanded my music sources beyond what was fed to me by MTV and radio.  The popularization of the MPEG audio formats sealed the deal for me.  MTV was no longer relevant in my eyes.

Not that I wouldn’t check it out every once in a while.  It was kind of like visiting a comatose aunt.  You’d hang about for a bit, and then say to yourself, “Yep, still brain dead” and then you’d be on your way.  MTV was like going the hospice for me.

Sometime ago there was a story that had come out that the channel was changing it’s name from Music Television to just MTV.  Though it is interesting from a history of televised media standpoint, it did reveal something that myself and I’m sure many others had known for some time: the channel did not give a shit about music.

At least they finally decided to be honest.

So recently I’m browsing Facebook just to see what goofy stuff my friends are up to, and over in that advertisment section that I usually never pay attention to I see something that mentioned MTV.  I just glanced over enough to recognize the logo, but didn’t give it much thought.  I was probably distracted by something.  Most likely a Mistress Rowynn photoshoot.

So after some time (six minutes… hey, it’s been a while, OK?) I remembered that I need to write a new article for this website.  After pondering subjects and realizing that a lot of people had already bitched about them, I remembered seeing that MTV ad on Facebook and decided to investigate further.

What I saw made me glad that I bought four bottles of whiskey at that liquor store that was closing down.

MTV is looking for it’s first Twitter Jockey.

I was so stymied by this that I’m surprised that I can write this article now.

I’m not going to explain Twitter here because I know most readers of this site are tech saavy enough to know what it is.  But the idea of having someone deliver supposed news that will affect NONE of our lives in 140 characters or less should be an affront to the people who created Twitter.

People using Twitter to document the aftermath of the Iranian elections is important.  People using Twitter to document that LiLo was seen stumbling drunk out of another nightclub is not.

Even Terry Schiavo with her gray matter being damned near all liquid would have looked at this shit and said “Yep, that’s pretty fuckin’ retarded.”  And if anyone would have known what ‘retarded’ meant it would have been her!  Or maybe not, but you get the point.

Now I will say that I myself have put some pretty dumb stuff on the Internet (shit, look at my YouTube channel for some great examples), but you can’t deny that some thought at least went into it.  You can’t say the same for someone who re-twitted… re-tweeted… re-twatted… whatever… a story from Gawker.

And the insult that is added to injury in all of this?  The short of word and short of mind asshole who gets this job also gets one hundred thousand dollars.

All of that money for posting 140 characters at a time?!?

Fuck, I write 750+ words per article for this site and I’d be happy to get a blowjob and a Klondike bar for my troubles!

I understand that with all of the entertainment options we have at our fingertips that MTV is trying to stay in the game.  This is not the way to do it.

How MTV’s first Twitter Jockey should be fucked in the ass: with a Western Union telegraph machine.  Along with a vuvuzela blowing “pandora.com” in morse code in there as well.